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-   -   I'm 14, he's 18, can we date? (http://www.legaljunkies.com/showthread.php?t=65436)

MatySmith 07-13-2013 10:42 AM

I'm 14, he's 18, can we date?
 
Hey, I am 14 years old and I was dating an 18 year old for about four days. When my mom found out she made me break up with him. We have known each other for several months now and realize that we both really like each other. Several people have told me that it would be illegal for me to date him but I don't think it would. From what I have learned from researching this topic I have found that it is only illegal if we are having sexual relations. I would like to know if this is true because there is absolutely nothing sexual that would have happened between us.

Now that we are broken up we are the best of friends, yet we both still crave to be more than that. We talk to each other every day and are still planning on seeing each other whenever possible. But all in all my question here is if it is illegal? No sexual contact of any kind, just simple dating.

sandyclaus 07-13-2013 10:55 AM

Re: I'm 14, he's 18, can we date?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by MatySmith (Post 308870)
Hey, I am 14 years old and I was dating an 18 year old for about four days. When my mom found out she made me break up with him. We have known each other for several months now and realize that we both really like each other. Several people have told me that it would be illegal for me to date him but I don't think it would. From what I have learned from researching this topic I have found that it is only illegal if we are having sexual relations. I would like to know if this is true because there is absolutely nothing sexual that would have happened between us.

Now that we are broken up we are the best of friends, yet we both still crave to be more than that. We talk to each other every day and are still planning on seeing each other whenever possible. But all in all my question here is if it is illegal? No sexual contact of any kind, just simple dating.

If you're craving more, then the desire is there for sexual contact - and so is the danger of crossing the line.

SEXUAL CONTACT is legally defined as:
The intentional touching, either directly or through the clothing, of the genitalia, anus, groin, breast, inner thigh, or buttocks of any person with an intent to abuse, humiliate, harass, degrade, or arouse or gratify the sexual desire of any person. 18 USC.

It starts with a kiss and moves from there. The act of passionate kissing can frequently lead to sexual activities. The problem is knowing when to stop.

Your mom knows what she's doing. You're young and naive to think that an 18 year old can stop at a kiss. No matter how innocent you WANT to make it sound, its not Ok.

sunlover 07-13-2013 11:12 AM

Re: I'm 14, he's 18, can we date?
 
There are no laws that define or restrict "dating" its when sex or sexual contact occurs (it does not have to be physical) occurs that the law applies. In addition your parents have 100% control over who has contact with you with or without any laws. You or your BF are safer if you abide by Mom's demand. By the way there are ways your Bf could get into trouble with you. If you need direction try this if you would do it with your own siblings its probably illegal

Disagreeable 07-13-2013 12:34 PM

Re: I'm 14, he's 18, can we date?
 
Actually, there are laws that define more. They are state specific. They usually involve lessor charges against the adult. For example mom telling him to stay away and him ignoring her, could invite "contributing to the delinquency of a minor". Though you may think it is cool to date an adult and the adult may think it is cool to try and get into your pants, apparently you are the one who must be mature and decide whether the risk of him getting a criminal record that affects his employment for life, is worth the status.

Unregistered 07-14-2013 02:05 AM

Re: I'm 14, he's 18, can we date?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by sandyclaus (Post 308871)
If you're craving more, then the desire is there for sexual contact - and so is the danger of crossing the line.

SEXUAL CONTACT is legally defined as:
The intentional touching, either directly or through the clothing, of the genitalia, anus, groin, breast, inner thigh, or buttocks of any person with an intent to abuse, humiliate, harass, degrade, or arouse or gratify the sexual desire of any person. 18 USC.

It starts with a kiss and moves from there. The act of passionate kissing can frequently lead to sexual activities. The problem is knowing when to stop.

Your mom knows what she's doing. You're young and naive to think that an 18 year old can stop at a kiss. No matter how innocent you WANT to make it sound, its not Ok.

It's not that we crave more sexual activity it's just that we crave to be together more, in a dating sense, not a sexual one.

Disagreeable 07-14-2013 02:19 AM

Re: I'm 14, he's 18, can we date?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 308929)
It's not that we crave more sexual activity it's just that we crave to be together more, in a dating sense, not a sexual one.

You really believe that when he says it? Wow, I forgot how gullible girls were at that age.

Friend In Court 07-14-2013 03:58 PM

Re: I'm 14, he's 18, can we date?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unregistered (Post 308929)
It's not that we crave more sexual activity it's just that we crave to be together more, in a dating sense, not a sexual one.

At 14 you should have your time, attention and head on other things than a romantic relationship. Period!! After school activities, sports, music, going out in groups with your friends. These are the types of things that you need to be concentrating on rather than boy-girl romantic relationships.

Dating an 18-year old boy is asking for trouble. Hormones are hormones and eventually, if you two see enough of each other 2 can end up making 3 -- a child.

Listen to your mother. She wants what is best for you. She has invested in you for almost 15 years now, counting time in the womb and cares for how you fare in life -- for the long run. And she has a lot more life experience than you to know where getting serious in a boy-girl relationship at this stage will lead.

Lopes2016 07-15-2013 05:47 PM

Re: I'm 14, he's 18, can we date?
 
I will say this, he could be your age or he could be older, he will still be thinking about sex whether its illegal or not. And it's not only contact, it can be texts or pictures also. And, atleast where I live, even if you we're both the same age and under 18, any of this would be illegal. I would be extremely careful because you can so easily get caught up in the moment and going behind your parents back with this could get him in legal trouble

Fooldom 07-18-2013 06:47 AM

Re: I'm 14, he's 18, can we date?
 
You sound mature for your age to me. But everybody has their own opinions on these matters, and some people will talk-trash to you about it. I learned to ignore them, and you should too.

Quote:

No sexual contact of any kind, just simple dating.
It's ultimately your decision whether you want to have sex or not. Otherwise, it's rape. So if you don't want to have sex in your relationship, you don't have to! It's YOUR decision, so I don't understand why some people are getting their panties in a knot over it! ^__^ If you want a perfectly innocent relationship, then he'll just have to comply with it, haha.

~ ~ ~

What state do you two live in, and how far apart are your birthdays (months included)? Laws regarding dating and sexual acts (even though I understand that you two just simply want to date, other people will have their suspicions that it's far more than that) can be different in different states!

Either way, it's best to get your mother and his guardians to agree with the relationship before you two start dating. Provided that it would be legal to date him in your state, I suggest just asking your mom if she would be alright simply meeting him before blowing off the idea of you two dating.

Your mom is most likely just worried that you two are just going to have sex and you're going to have a baby. No mother really wants that for her kid, but the truth is, it's bound to happen sometime or another in life (sex, that is). If your mom is cool enough and thinks the guy is alright, maybe you two can come to an agreement such as...

"Hey mom, if you allow me to date -name here-, I'll agree to take the pill and use protection just in case we end up getting a little too close."

Then again, I don't advise trying that one if you know your mom will go bat****. But it's a good approach if your mom is an understanding person, and it would most likely make her feel a lot more comfortable and at ease if you did take some form of birth control and might be okay with you dating him then. Plus, it's a smart thing to do! She might even offer to buy condoms... Because even if you don't plan to have sex with this guy, a mom will be a mom! It's embarrassing of course, but it's best to get her support with these things, anyways.

Best regards, and get back to me on the state you're in and your birthdays so I can help!

Friend In Court 07-18-2013 11:38 AM

Re: I'm 14, he's 18, can we date?
 
There's a good chance that statutory rape will be the next legal question if she follows the advice above. No 14-year old girl should be having sex period.


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