Legal Junkies Forums

#1 Community for Legal Questions and Answers

 
Go Back   Legal Junkies Forums > FAMILY LAW, DIVORCE, CUSTODY > Child Custody and Support

Register FAQ Tags Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read Layout

Notices


Reply

 

Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 08-09-2012, 11:23 AM   #101
someguy
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 24
Default Re: Ex-husband trying to reduce child support: What can my argument be?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mystical45 View Post
What moron spent 10 million on a study of this nature?

To assume love can always be restored in a marriage is just plain irresponsible, you sound like a man that has some emotional scars of your own.

The answer is not to award the fathers custody. If the NCP paid their court ordered CS on time it would certanily be a benefit. Why do some NCP's think the support they pay fully covers all the needs of their children? That is truly baffling. It just goes to show they really are out of touch with the true cost of a raising a child.
Actually, the US government spent the money for the research. They wanted to know the long term affects of divorce on the spouses and children. What they found out shocked them. Read the report and then post. Spend the next couple of months reading other data that supports the conclusions of the study. Show us your willingness to learn rather than propagate the serious misconception that divorce is a-ok and hurts nobody, benefits children, etc.

You still refuse to address the personal responsibility you must take for your actions that led to the destruction of your family. If a spouse decides they want out, they do not deserve the others wealth.

One thing your wrong about is the cost of raising children. The additional cost in my family was minimal for 2 children. It was maybe $400 per month. I do not count higher education, buying the kid a car, the latest fashionable clothes or any of those other non-necessities. CS is supposed to contribute to the BASIC needs of the child, ie. food and clothing. I grew up in a household that lived well but we only had money for the basics. As for shelter the mother needs to live somewhere anyhow, so in that equation the shelter already exists and should not be a basis for CS. If she has inadequate housing, she needs to consider having the children live with the father if his housing is adequate. Most likely she might have been given the family home. If however she cannot afford it on her own she needs to sell it and get a cheaper place. It is not the fathers responsibility to pay for a house that he no longer owns.

Yes, I do carry pain from my experience, but my pain does not affect my judgment or my ability to read and understand the data that has been accumulated on the harmful effects of divorce on families. That is why I do not believe in divorce. When I talk to couple who believe the same, who have been married for many years, all of them tell me of the many trials their marriage has experienced and the willingness to outlast the trials.

Love can be restored, because love is a decision. If you decide you do not want to love someone any longer you made the decision in that regard, so you action will follow your decision. On the other hand if you decide that yes, I do want to love this person, your actions will likewise follow. It is immature and shortsighted to believe otherwise.

Again, if you don't like the CS amount, give the children to the father. If for no other reason to show him that it is expensive to raise the children. You cannot force compliance via the courts. That has been tried and it fails consistently, as it should. The other parent needs to agree on giving you more money. As I have personally observed with people I know, when the parents agree on such things, the money is usually not an issue. In many of these situations there is also no CS order. It is all done voluntarily.

In my situation, and in response to the high divorce rate, I protected myself in case I was faced with my wife leaving. I kept the family home, I pay the CS I deem proper and the courts have been apt to agree with me on most of my arguments. If the ex want complains I tell her I will gladly have the children live with me full time. Instead she plays games with visitation, which in the future, will work against her.

What happens when you get remarried? What happens when the father remarries? Your comments shows your shortsightedness. When you remarry, which most women do, your lifestyle will go up. Do you still deserve 25% of your ex's wealth? I think not. If it was not for the financial guarantee women have of their husbands wealth via property settlements, CS, alimony, and the force of law and the threat of jail, I would think most women would not travel the road of divorce. For the ones that do, they would have to knuckle up and provide 100% for themselves as it should be.

The system is broken. The original intent of CS was paying a bond when a man fathers a child out of wedlock. That bond insured the child would not be a ward of the state, or the county to be more exact. We have taken something that was good, proper and that worked and have so distorted it into something that only leads to emotional trauma for the children of divorce and the subjugation of men at the hands of their former wives for their former wives financial gain and so that their former wives can skirt their responsibility for their decisions.
someguy is offline   Reply With Quote


Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old 08-09-2012, 08:56 PM   #102
Grhowe
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 46
Default Re: Ex-husband trying to reduce child support: What can my argument be?

Child support is related to the income of both parents. The amount is an entitlement of the child or children. Your agruments in support of child support are therefore the amount of money you make, the father makes and how much time the non-custodial parent has with the minor child. The more you prove that he makes in relationship to your salary the more child support the child is entitled to. Child support actually is for the child. The more he or she receives the better their life is for the child. So get as much as you can and use it to support the child. It is their entitlement. grhowe
Grhowe is offline   Reply With Quote


Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old 08-09-2012, 08:59 PM   #103
Grhowe
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 46
Default Re: Ex-husband trying to reduce child support: What can my argument be?

Arguments to lower child support are just the opposite of raising child support. ie. Prove you have reduced income, she has increased income, you have the child fifty percent of the time or such other percentage. The more you have the child the less child support she is entited too. Each of these three issues establishes the amount of child support a child is entitled to.l grhowe
Grhowe is offline   Reply With Quote


Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old 08-10-2012, 09:01 PM   #104
mystical45
Senior Member
 
mystical45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 190
Talking Re: Ex-husband trying to reduce child support: What can my argument be?

Quote:
Originally Posted by someguy View Post
Actually, the US government spent the money for the research. They wanted to know the long term affects of divorce on the spouses and children. What they found out shocked them. Read the report and then post. Spend the next couple of months reading other data that supports the conclusions of the study. Show us your willingness to learn rather than propagate the serious misconception that divorce is a-ok and hurts nobody, benefits children, etc.

You still refuse to address the personal responsibility you must take for your actions that led to the destruction of your family. If a spouse decides they want out, they do not deserve the others wealth.

One thing your wrong about is the cost of raising children. The additional cost in my family was minimal for 2 children. It was maybe $400 per month. I do not count higher education, buying the kid a car, the latest fashionable clothes or any of those other non-necessities. CS is supposed to contribute to the BASIC needs of the child, ie. food and clothing. I grew up in a household that lived well but we only had money for the basics. As for shelter the mother needs to live somewhere anyhow, so in that equation the shelter already exists and should not be a basis for CS. If she has inadequate housing, she needs to consider having the children live with the father if his housing is adequate. Most likely she might have been given the family home. If however she cannot afford it on her own she needs to sell it and get a cheaper place. It is not the fathers responsibility to pay for a house that he no longer owns.

Yes, I do carry pain from my experience, but my pain does not affect my judgment or my ability to read and understand the data that has been accumulated on the harmful effects of divorce on families. That is why I do not believe in divorce. When I talk to couple who believe the same, who have been married for many years, all of them tell me of the many trials their marriage has experienced and the willingness to outlast the trials.

Love can be restored, because love is a decision. If you decide you do not want to love someone any longer you made the decision in that regard, so you action will follow your decision. On the other hand if you decide that yes, I do want to love this person, your actions will likewise follow. It is immature and shortsighted to believe otherwise.

Again, if you don't like the CS amount, give the children to the father. If for no other reason to show him that it is expensive to raise the children. You cannot force compliance via the courts. That has been tried and it fails consistently, as it should. The other parent needs to agree on giving you more money. As I have personally observed with people I know, when the parents agree on such things, the money is usually not an issue. In many of these situations there is also no CS order. It is all done voluntarily.

In my situation, and in response to the high divorce rate, I protected myself in case I was faced with my wife leaving. I kept the family home, I pay the CS I deem proper and the courts have been apt to agree with me on most of my arguments. If the ex want complains I tell her I will gladly have the children live with me full time. Instead she plays games with visitation, which in the future, will work against her.

What happens when you get remarried? What happens when the father remarries? Your comments shows your shortsightedness. When you remarry, which most women do, your lifestyle will go up. Do you still deserve 25% of your ex's wealth? I think not. If it was not for the financial guarantee women have of their husbands wealth via property settlements, CS, alimony, and the force of law and the threat of jail, I would think most women would not travel the road of divorce. For the ones that do, they would have to knuckle up and provide 100% for themselves as it should be.

The system is broken. The original intent of CS was paying a bond when a man fathers a child out of wedlock. That bond insured the child would not be a ward of the state, or the county to be more exact. We have taken something that was good, proper and that worked and have so distorted it into something that only leads to emotional trauma for the children of divorce and the subjugation of men at the hands of their former wives for their former wives financial gain and so that their former wives can skirt their responsibility for their decisions.

The system is indeed broken, since you are speaking only of a NCP being fathers I will roll with assumption. If ALL fathers acutally paid their court ordered cs that would be a wonderous thing. It doesn't happen.

You are falsely attempting to play out your hand, one that makes children into pawns and atm machines, that dog just won't hunt.

Whether or not I ever re marry has no bearing on how much cs the biological father of my children owes to support HIS children. Love is a decision, I chose to love this man forever, he chose to leave. Its not always the woman that wants to run for the divorce courts, which by the way shows your shortsidedness. Naturally there is much more to my divorce/marriage story but its quite frankly none of your business.

A NCP being ordered to pay CS does not cause emotional trauma to any child. Both parents are suppose to support their children.

You said : "Again, if you don't like the CS amount, give the children to the father. If for no other reason to show him that it is expensive to raise the children. You cannot force compliance via the courts. That has been tried and it fails consistently, as it should".

You are wrong on two accounts here. Like many NCP (there are some very good NCP out there) my x husband would not take custody of his children, he simply does not care. You can force compliance with the courts, it takes a long time, but it can be done. I have an interstate CS enforcement case, my x husband pays cs or he goes to jail. Now, I realize, if a person would rather sit in jail, have their DL revoked, and their assets tapped, then yes from that kind of deadbeat, you probably will not be able to force compliance. Jail time is a very good deterrent. It should not "fail consistently". Parents need to support their children, if they refuse to do it willingly they should be forced to. You say in one sentence its a drain on the system then in another you say enforcement should not collect cs, makes no sense whatsoever.

You are trying to classify each and every cs case and put them in a box, one that mirrors what happen in your own case/life. Alot of CP are probably happy if the NCP pays their CS on time. As far as being entitled to 25% of my x husbands "wealth" LOL yeah thats a hot one.
__________________
Mystic
mystical45 is offline   Reply With Quote


Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old 08-10-2012, 09:04 PM   #105
mystical45
Senior Member
 
mystical45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 190
Default Re: Ex-husband trying to reduce child support: What can my argument be?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grhowe View Post
Arguments to lower child support are just the opposite of raising child support. ie. Prove you have reduced income, she has increased income, you have the child fifty percent of the time or such other percentage. The more you have the child the less child support she is entited too. Each of these three issues establishes the amount of child support a child is entitled to.l grhowe

I agree with you, in theory that is how it is suppose to work. When you have a NCP that refuses to cooperate (wont give his financials over to the court or to CSE its difficult if not impossible to have CS raised. I have my children 100% of the time.
__________________
Mystic
mystical45 is offline   Reply With Quote


Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old 08-10-2012, 11:02 PM   #106
mystical45
Senior Member
 
mystical45's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 190
Default Re: Ex-husband trying to reduce child support: What can my argument be?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tiredstepmom View Post
if hes a deadbeat what are you parasite? Support is supposed to help you not maintain you do YOUR PART. This is from a woman who has to take up the slack for a lazy mother I am doing what she cant because shes mad at the father, how is this her children's fault or even mine?. If you stress out and attack the father of your children how is he supposed to continue to try and support you when you are just a waste of money? My mother worked, I worked since 16 and my father also worked. They put aside there issues and focused on the kids not trying to one up the other.

My point is bitter women who focus on bleeding dry the father of there children instead of learning from there mistakes and making a better life for there offspring disgust me. Your children are hurting and will continue to hurt as adults seeing you like this.

Until women like you wake up and put in a real effort women like me will continue to make you look bad because I am doing it all AND have him women like you still waiting for a hand out because ?????? and at what cost?

Who ever has my x husband, if anyone does, they can keep him. I doubt anyone has him, he has failed at every relationship, post divorce. Woman are not bitter because they want cs for their children. Its the parents obligation to support their children. The money a NCP sends for cs does not support the child/children 100%. If you think it does you are either out of touch with child rearing or clueless.
A person that has run on sentences like you do, does not make "me look bad". Congrats on doing it all. But, you did know your man had children and therefore an existing cs order prior to becomming seriously involved with him, yes? Why whine about it now?
__________________
Mystic
mystical45 is offline   Reply With Quote


Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old 08-11-2012, 03:07 PM   #107
someguy
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 24
Default Re: Ex-husband trying to reduce child support: What can my argument be?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grhowe View Post
Child support is related to the income of both parents. The amount is an entitlement of the child or children. Your agruments in support of child support are therefore the amount of money you make, the father makes and how much time the non-custodial parent has with the minor child. The more you prove that he makes in relationship to your salary the more child support the child is entitled to. Child support actually is for the child. The more he or she receives the better their life is for the child. So get as much as you can and use it to support the child. It is their entitlement. grhowe
I hate the word "entitlement". No one is entitled to anything. Your not entitled to food, housing, or clothes. What we have in this country is the general freedom to make or as little with our lives as we choose.

The CP is due ONLY HALF of what it costs to raise the children, not a penny more. And children are not that expensive. I have 2 of them myself, so I do know. A bigger house, new car and designer shoes do not make the child's life better. Only love and affection from both parents accomplish this, especially in the context of an intact family unit.

Although we need to care for our children and it is a responsibility borne by both parents. The children are more entitled to have both parents more so than a weekly paycheck. Fix this countries wrong view of marriage and personal selfishness and we fix most of the problem. That means the "I am not happy right now" excuse or cop-out wont cut it any longer. One spouse is not entitled to reduce the lifestyle of the other, especially if the other spouse opposed the divorce. If you do not want to be poor, don't divorce, get over yourself (men and women) and live up to the commitment you made to be married. Our grandparents did it and ended up generally happy overall, that means so can you if you stick with it.
someguy is offline   Reply With Quote


Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old 08-11-2012, 08:35 PM   #108
someguy
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 24
Default Re: Ex-husband trying to reduce child support: What can my argument be?

Mystical, you bring up some very good points that need addressing. Please keep in mind I am not attacking you personally, I am addressing some of the points you and others have made. We need solutions rather than arguing. We find these solutions by breaking down the problem in proper context. If all of this effort helps one family find some sort of peace, it is worth it.

First of all yes children in the majority of cases are pawns in the divorce beast, like it or not. Should they be? Absolutely not. But both parties in a divorce do use them as such in most cases either overtly or subtly. For usually the party that controls the children, controls the divorce proceedings during and after, and gets the CS. The children need a home and sometimes one of the parents is just not suited to raise the children on their own. The other parent should then be granted sole custody. I accept that fact. But in the majority of cases this is not so. In most cases, as I have previously noted, women file for divorce and get custody of the children. The fathers in most of these cases love their children and are perfectly able to care for them on a full time basis if need be. Although in most states the courts are to presume both parents should equally parent the children, many time the courts ignore this fact. Likewise the NCP has to pay a substantial amount of his income in the form of CS or spousal support to the CP. As more and more divorcees are being educated it seems most parents are working to try to co-parent. This is resulting in a little less long term emotional trauma for the children and reduced to no CS payments being awarded. We still have a long way to go on this however.

You mention some of your situation. I am sorry that your husband left you. You sound like you wanted to make the marriage work for life, and I sincerely commend you on that. It is truly sad when one spouse is willing to destroy a family selfishly. It also sound like your EX had some personal issues, like we all do, but was unable or unwilling to work on them. That is one reason I hate no fault divorce laws. In your case I suspect, as in mine, when a party leaves to selfishly pursue their own independent agenda, they often do not think of the negative long term affects their decision will have on the other spouse of the children. Before no fault divorce laws, your husband would have been severely sanctioned for abandoning you if that is what happened. Now it does not matter under the current statutes.

I am going to illustrate some examples using extrapolated data from many the studies that have been conducted. Although some people will say their situation is different, I have rarely seen a substantial difference in the general story of families breaking up.

Lets try to look at this particular situation from a mathematical point of view. We will use an income model of $30,000 per year husbands take home pay, wife no or little income, but has some job skills or education. The $30k income is almost entirely used for living expenses for the intact family. I think this is a good average assumption to start with using contemporary data and current economic conditions.

In this example we will assume 2 children were produced during the marriage.

We will look at this in 2 ways. The first way is the example of a spouse leaving the other, taking the children with them and the other spouse did not want the divorce to happen. We will look at this situation in further detail by the divorcing spouse keeping the house and not keeping the house. (Divorcing spouse kicking other spouse out or spouse leaving the home with the children) The second way is the divorcing spouse just leaves, leaving the children, the home, and most marital assets, has no desire for visitation.

In the first example we will use the wife leaves husband with children, files for divorce, gets awarded house (valued at $80,000), the $3000 savings goes to the attorneys and he gets a child support order of $1000 per month ($156.25/wk) (MI calculator $918/mo based on given income model). Visitation is ever other weekend with father mostly keeps up with.

Now in this example the NCP income was $2500/mo and is now $1500/mo. He needs to find a place to live, get furniture, dishes, etc. He needs to feed himself, pay for his car, gas, utilities, etc. He needs to live hand to mouth in a small apartment with used furniture and plastic dishes and drive an old car in order to pay for a divorce he did not want. He has to work all the time to be able to pay for his bills and the CS payments not only limiting his time to spend with his children, but also there is no disposable income for fun things to do with the kids. He really desires to spend time with his children but life gets in the way, not another woman, but the need to just survive. Consider our current economy in this situation, more work required with less income. Man gets married later to a woman who makes $1500/mo so now his total household income is $3000/mo. He moves into small rental house with new wife. She quits job due to pregnancy and now household income is back down to $1500/mo. He then starts to fall behind on CS payments due to being unable to support 2 households.

The CP is not faring too much better at first but has gotten a job paying $1500 per month. Add the $1000 she gets from CS and she is living the same lifestyle she was before. In a few years she gets married and her new husband makes $3000/mo. She quits her job due to pregnancy with new husband but continues to receive $1000/mo in CS. (Before CP quit job household income is $5500) Total household income is now $4000/mo. She sells house for $80,000 and uses the $10,000 in equity to purchase new house with new husband for $150,000. They both drive newer cars. Figure this new family increased their respective lifestyle by about 25%.

I will let you draw your own conclusions on the above example which is but what I have personally observed in most of the cases I have seen with divorced families. Wife gets house and kids, husband pays out the nose in CS and has to live as a pauper. The above example is the typical situation, wife files for divorce, but he still wants time with children, he works hard, pays his CS, or tries to until its his time to start a new family, falls behind, goes to jail, etc.

The above typical situation is inequitable, unconscionable and impossible. I will explain why. The cost of a house and the associated costs (rent or mortgage, utilities, phone, etc) are fixed regardless of children and do not increase substantially in the event children are present. The only additional costs to having children are food and clothing and minor misc. expenses. For 2 children it may be around $400/mo. not $1000. This number also does not change according to the income of the NCP. Even if the NCP made $200k/yr, the basic expenses for the children are still fixed. If the NCP makes more money do the children eat more? No. Neither do they NEED the best clothing or house, etc. If the living arrangements are clean and safe and they are fed good healthy food, and they have adequate and proper clothing that is enough materially. I am of course not addressing the emotional needs of the children which is an entirely different subject that can be discussed later. Also we need to ok at the disparaging household incomes. I have read many stories of ex wives going after the household income (combined) income if ex husband and his new wife and succeeding in getting CS raised. This is of course unlawful and inequitable, but that does not prevent it from happening. So, if this is the case with the ex husband (NCO), would it not be fair to assume that the new husband of CP is equally responsible for the care of his step children. It may seem I am contradicting myself by I am not. You see when the CS remarried, their new spouse agrees to bear the financial burden of his step children. That's just the way it has worked for centuries. If he did not want to accept this responsibility then he should not have married a women with children. If the courts are going to now use the NCP spouses income to determine CS, they also need to use the CP new spouses income. The system breeds an entitlement mentality for women. It is very rare indeed to see a woman jailed for failure to pay CS or for her refusal to abide by the parenting time agreement. Women are entitled to nothing.

What I see in this example is the greed of the CP who petitioned for divorce in the first place. She/he has used the divorce courts for independence from marital commitment and responsibility while their harmful decision is unlawfully subsidized by the NCP. This is wrong and this is what is broken.

Now for the second example, if a husband just up and leaves his family and desire no further contact with them, as mentioned there used to be stiff penalties for doing so. But the feminists wanted no fault divorce. So now we have it and there is nothing anyone can do about it except change the paws and change our collective hearts about divorce. You see, without the pre no fault laws and the societal revulsion in regard to divorce, a spouse can abandon the other and their children and suffer very little.

I don't expect to many people to be happy with my analysis. For the ones who are unhappy, most of them would have been the divorcing spouse who kept the children or married to one of these individuals. That does not change the fact that this analysis is correct. I don't accept the "you helped bring them into this world - your responsible, bla bla bla". Your right, I did help to bring them into this world and I am responsible. If the present CP cannot afford the children on only a bare minimum stipend, send the kids to the other parent - end of story. Also the reason for the divorce is immaterial save for a threat to life and limb in the case of physical abuse only. Talking to married and divorced couples I see verbal and emotional abuse came from both sides in most cases, so that cancels itself out. As for infidelity, women cheat as much as men.

Now, I have seen men change for the better when their wives truly loved and submitted to them. I have seen them start to really love their wives. It takes 2 to make or break a marriage, but sometimes it takes 1 person (it may take decades) to keep a family together through the tough times.
someguy is offline   Reply With Quote


Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old 08-30-2012, 07:00 PM   #109
shocked
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3
Default Re: Ex-husband trying to reduce child support: What can my argument be?

Quote:
Originally Posted by someguy View Post

You mention some of your situation. I am sorry that your husband left you. You sound like you wanted to make the marriage work for life, and I sincerely commend you on that. It is truly sad when one spouse is willing to destroy a family selfishly. It also sound like your EX had some personal issues, like we all do, but was unable or unwilling to work on them. That is one reason I hate no fault divorce laws. In your case I suspect, as in mine, when a party leaves to selfishly pursue their own independent agenda, they often do not think of the negative long term affects their decision will have on the other spouse of the children. Before no fault divorce laws, your husband would have been severely sanctioned for abandoning you if that is what happened. Now it does not matter under the current statutes.

Someguy. The excerpt above really struck me as I was searching through this forum for some advice on an issue I have. Perhaps you can help/ comment on my situation?

Long story coming... I was a happily married man (or so I thought), 47 with two beautiful girls (7 & 11) with a gorgeous wife of 13 years, when back in the 3rd Qtr of last year, I really started to dislike my high paying job ($200K). An opportunity presented itself at work to be a "hand-raiser" whereby I would receive about a year's salary if I accepted a lay-off. Well, since I wasn't enjoying my job anyway, I approached my stay-at-home wife & she agreed that I should grab the $$, take a little time off, & get a new job & pocket the extra $$. Heck, even if it took 6 mos to find something similar, we'd still be WAY ahead of the game.

You probably saw a curve ball coming in the story here, right? Well, 2 wks after taking the $$ in Dec'11, I found out my wife was having an affair (SHOCK)! We had never been through anything like it in our marriage. When I confronted her about the information I had, she admitted the adultery. She never apologized though, blaming me because she "hadn't been happy in the marriage for some time". That was a bit of a SHOCK to me. We lived in a 7,000 sqft house on acreage, in a neighborhood of millionaires. She never had to work. I was fine with her staying home to raise the girls. After getting the girls ready for school, her normal mode of operation was to get dolled up & head to the mall or out to lunch with a girlfriend (I found out that it was sometimes her boyfriend, too). She'd normally get home an hour or so before the girls got home from school, take a nap, and pick them up at the bus stop. Tough life. And, don't get me started on the $180K worth of jewels I bought her or the 20+ countries we visited on our vacations. Somehow though, she was not happy.

Initially we talked about an amiable divorce without getting lawyers involved but she ended up getting a really good one (I would find out later) & I got a poor one.

At one point during the separation, the judge ordered all communications between us go thru our attorneys (in retrospect, I'm thinking this was a money grab). We were told not to communicate directly. In Apr, I ran into her in public & after we both said hello, I asked her if she would be willing to go through a Christian counselor as a way to see if we could work out our marriage. The next thing I knew, she filed a contempt order against me & the judge actually put me in jail for 6 days for talking to her!!! Later I found out that she & the judge knew each other before our case. I also learned they were smiling & winking at each other in the courtroom. This judge even marked the case so no other judge could hear it but him!! Weird stuff. I could write a book. Needless to say, I was SHOCKED by his ruling. After two days in jail (I'd never been in jail before & I was terrified), my lawyer arrived and put papers (divorce decree) in front of me & said if I signed it, the judge will let me out of jail. I barely read it. I signed it.

Despite the fact that I was unemployed, I was to pay $2,500 per month in CS. I was also to continue to pay all the bills for the mansion until it sold recently (I was ordered out back in Jan when she originally filed). She got the house, all our possessions, & a lump sum of $ (in TL, about $600K) & I got to keep my 401(k) ($400K, but worth less than $200K as I sell it to live.) and $50K in cash. I paid ALL attorney fees (about $100K).

Here's the deal. I'm still unemployed. I am paying my CS & living expenses out of my tiny unemployment check & selling off my 401(k) at 50% penalties (half of it is already gone). As for her & the girls, she sold the mansion & paid cash for a new, smaller house. She has $150K in cash leftover (plus a paid-off house). She found a PT job answering phones making $150/ wk (gross).

Over the Summer, still totally in love with my ex & wishing she would wake up one day & realize that she loved me & want me back (I totally realize NOW that's never gonna happen), I was dropping off the girls after having them for 2 weeks and I couldn't bear going back to my tiny apt. alone. So, I went to see a movie (TED, it was awful, btw). The next thing I knew, I was in an ambulance heading to the hospital. As it turned out I lost consciousness (called syncope). They ran through $38K in tests & declared I was extremely fit & didn't even prescribe me medication. Ultimately, the syncope was of unknown origin, but the Neurologist told me it was due to stress and wouldn't happen again as long as I managed the stress better. When you think about it, I had been through the ringer, right? 7 months prior I was a millionaire (on paper), had a high-paying job (even though I wasn't completely happy with it), lived in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife (on the outside), had 2 lovely, straight A girls and had a solid (so I thought) church-going family. A beautiful life, right? Now, I had lost my house, all my possessions, my wife, my kids, my job, & my fortune.Yeah, I guess I was under a little stress, eh?

Finally, here are my questions. I would like to get my CS reduced. It's currently based on what my average earnings were over the past few years. After searching for a job for nearly 8 months, I'd be lucky to find a job in my field making $100K (no kidding). I'm not having any luck. Should I wait to get a job first and then go back to court?

Also, I am court ordered to pay for healthcare for my 2 girls. It was no problem when I was covered under my prior employer, but the coverage runs out in 2 days. Buy a separate policy, right? No dice! The unexplained syncope has all carriers denying me coverage...at ANY price. Very weird stuff here. I am in terrific shape. Jog, work-out, etc. I'm on NO medications!!! I have asked my ex to apply for a policy & to put the girls on it & I will gladly pay the premium. She refuses.

Once I get a job, I should be on my way to getting my life back together. It's unbelievable how selfish my ex was/ is. I've finally moved-on emotionally but I'm thinking something needs to be done about the ridiculous amount of CS I'm paying! And, am I supposed to get healthcare coverage but I cannot. Will the court continue to force me to sell-off all my retirement?!

Many thanks, still SHOCKED...
shocked is offline   Reply With Quote


Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Old 08-31-2012, 07:11 AM   #110
goddessoflubboc
Top Level Member
 
goddessoflubboc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 5,265
Default Re: Ex-husband trying to reduce child support: What can my argument be?

Less than a year ago, when jobs were hard to come by, you essentially voluntarily quit yours. Your child support is based on your earning potential.

You violated a court order. There are consequences.

You can buy insurance just for your children. Call your agent.
goddessoflubboc is offline   Reply With Quote


Did you find this post helpful? Yes | No
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
None

This thread has 126 replies and has been viewed 39712 times


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads

Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Child support order in another state - how to modify/reduce? jygalvin Child Custody and Support 2 01-07-2014 07:06 PM
I allowed my ex to reduce the child support: How can I get it raised? misty34 Child Custody and Support 36 08-13-2012 01:06 PM
Can father reduce the child support for visits? Unregistered Child Custody and Support 1 03-22-2010 12:27 PM
Ex husband is claiming a change in circumstances and wants to reduce support Unregistered Child Custody and Support 1 04-22-2009 10:41 PM
Modification on Child Support: How to reduce Child Support? Unregistered Child Custody and Support 3 11-12-2008 07:33 PM




All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:49 PM.


Use of the Forums is subject to our Disclaimer. Copyright 2009-2018 by LegalJunkies.com