How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

[Unregistered]

Sorry, my phone has a mind of its own and inserts the wrong word when I type too fast. My point is, dealing with an abuser is complicated. Everyone says "leave", but it's not always that easy or even doable. It depends on the situation. I'm weighing my options now. I'm so very tired of it all. Good luck to you all. I sympathized whole heartedly!

If this is your quote below. your an uncaring jerk. Get off this site! You know nothing of what you speak of.


My abuser is financially supported by me, i cant get rid of him, he won't leave, he yells in my face, breaks everything i own in fits if rage, tells me what to do, how to act and how i should talk He constantly threatens me, my pets, my family and my house. Hes depressed and suicidal. But has no or very little income, has no family and no friends as he has a terminal disease that in part caused him to be a hermit/recluse. We've been together for 25 years. The last ten have been the worst in my life. Now I consider suicide just to somehow get away.

Every situation is different...Here's what I experienced...

1) restraining orders don't stop someone who really wants to hurt you, especially if they are suicidal and intend to end themselves afterwards or if you give em an excuse to be that mad!

2) if police are called then he is only taken away for 48-72 hours. Do you think he'll be mad as hell then? How will he retaliate? It would help if you got a few days of police protection after they let him lose! Plus, I'm not sure screaming in your face will be constituted as enough
evidence to hall him away in the first place. My abuser is also smart, he hits me on the back if the head or just holds me down to pull hair or spit or scream in my face. Never a mark!

3) oh, and some job applications ask if you've every been in a domestic dispute? Even if ur the victim, it could look bad to an employer! They don't want to deal with a new employees drama

4) if the abuser is suicidal... Before you can have them taken away you need a weapon, time, place and method. Basically, the abuser needs to announce when it will be and how or they need to be caught in the act. Once Halle's away they are observed for a couple days. My abuser is smart as a whip. You'd never know he's crazy, without me telling you.

5) If pets are your family (no kids for me) then it's very hard to find a shelter where they will take rm. god forbid you have more than one pet to worry about! No one cares about pets being threatened.

I'm not an optimist, but I yell it like it is.

Unless your in someone's exact shoes, you should judge.

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

The other unregistered user who says this woman is lying sounds like an abuser themselves - or an abusers mother who sees nothing wrong in her sons lies. I have had this situation,My husband is a control freak behind closed doors he is SCARY but to the police and courts and outside world he lies he's way out of things and charms the birds out of the trees.These men wont leave because they love the power and control and they love the thrill of being able to fool the outside world -some are real smart and even plan murder etc.Noone has the right to treat other beings badly and what sort of person are you to condone someone in a very sad situation you are obviously not a nice person yourself.I am alone in another country so i know how difficult it is to gain help -these men always isolate their partners so they can do these things in secret-if i was back in the UK i could easily leave but I also have nowhere to go but am planning to leave.It is just the threats that one dark night he will come and kill you that has kept me with him so long. To the lady in question -if you get a restraining order he will have to go but you will have to fight your case in court -emotional abuse is just the same as physical so list everything and you should win ,be brave and stand up to him and buy a big nasty dog
good luck.

[Unregistered]

OH. MY. GOD. There is no way possible the user posting with the named "unregistered" is a woman..
Sounds like an angry guy who's posting to get every one riled up.
Everyone work as a team! Ignore this insensitive, angry, self seving a- hole.
Just IGNORE him. That is the only way to get rid of these idiots from the blog.

You begin your childish rant with typical name calling. My 10 year old niece is more adult than you.

Your "broke" situation is nobody's fault but your own. Choosing to "believe his sorry a s s" was still a choice, wasn't it, tootsie roll? It's always someone else's fault isn't it? That makes it easier to not have to look in the mirror doesn't it? If you're honest with yourself, you'll admit that you're more mad at yourself for allowing yourself to be used and abused than you are angry at anyone. But somehow I doubt you have that much strength of character (if your post is any indication of your mentality).

Further, nobody is forcing you to stay married to such an "abusing drunk" are they? Own up to your own culpability or is it simply more fun to sling mud?

Get some anger management therapy. You clearly need it.

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

The above two posts are more proof positive how people just won't own up to their own personal accountability.

If it gets people "riled up" then ask yourself WHY you're getting "riled up" by words on the internet written by absolute strangers whose words SHOULD mean NOTHING to you.

Getting "riled up" only proves you see some truth in what's "riling you up".

Any person who financially calls the shots when living with an abuser can kick his or her sorry ass out. What kind of moron would PAY for a person to live under their own roof and "abuse" them?

Seriously, you people need to get more important things weighing on your minds. Too bad you're not going through what I'm going through right now. I'd gladly trade places with you, if all you have to ***** about is some total stranger "riling you up" simply because you can't face up to your own personal accountability.

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

"My abuser is financially supported by me, i cant get rid of him, he won't leave, he yells in my face, breaks everything i own in fits if rage, tells me what to do, how to act and how i should talk He constantly threatens me, my pets, my family and my house."

Seriously! You think of suicide to get away from a terminally ill person whom you're supporting financially?

Please enlighten us on why you continue to financially support this person who makes you feel so suicidal. I'm interested to know why it's easier for you to commit suicide than to simply throw him out on his ear.

[set u str8]

It's unclear why people are still giving this woman advice. She doesn't want answers. She just wants to b i t c h.

Clearly, she does have choices. She doesn't want to hear or accept what they are.

Like it or not, he cannot be forced to leave his home. If she wants out, she has to leave. Period.

And abuse can be proven. Further, the police do not even look for abuse when they're called to the scene of a domestic disturbance (why haven't they been called yet?). They arrest the man if even a hint of abuse has taken place. They don't need obvious signs.

If two people are in a marriage, whichever person puts all of the financial responsibility on the other person is the reason why they're broke. She's not broke due to his choices in life. She's broke due to her own poor choices.

We all have to live with the consequences of the choices we make in life. Instead of *****ing about them, do something to change them.

Are you out of your effing mind??...you hideous circus side show freak! I think it's hilarious that your wife kicked you the F out...& you are probably typing at the library (all pissed off).

Get your a$$ to work, & pay the mortage/child support/ alimony so your ex wife and kids can live happily without you. While you are at it, get your pathetic Napoleon complex syndrome a$$ some counseling.

I feel sorry for your mother....pathetic pos!

[Unregistered]

Hi I'm in the same situation. I have three children all under five and my husband wont leave he keeps walking out on us and comes back as he pleases I have no evidence of violence but he restrains me and puns me down. I've even tried to push him so much that I actully get beaten up so badly so I have eviedience and I can get the police involved but he knows exactly what I'm doing and restrains me by using all the pressure points in my body so I don't bruise. Ice tried every avenue to get him out I have no money can't claim benefits as he still here and he needs to agree to leave to have his name taken off the agreement. I'm trying to be strong for my kids and they r the only ones who is keeping me going and living. Some men are bully's. I have no money to go to the solictors and get help. I've phoned police citizen advice and I wont get housed if I make myself homeless!!!! I can't afford to rent private or have anyone to be guarantor for me so u could move out and claim housing benefit on private landlord. There has gotta be some other way. Desperate need of help.

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

Judging from the hostile vitriol of your response, you likely had him falsely arrested in order to get him out of the house.

You begin your childish rant with typical name calling. My 10 year old niece is more adult than you.

Your "broke" situation is nobody's fault but your own. Choosing to "believe his sorry a s s" was still a choice, wasn't it, tootsie roll? It's always someone else's fault isn't it? That makes it easier to not have to look in the mirror doesn't it? If you're honest with yourself, you'll admit that you're more mad at yourself for allowing yourself to be used and abused than you are angry at anyone. But somehow I doubt you have that much strength of character (if your post is any indication of your mentality).

Further, nobody is forcing you to stay married to such an "abusing drunk" are they? Own up to your own culpability or is it simply more fun to sling mud?

Get some anger management therapy. You clearly need it.

You must be male. Or a female who hates other females. Abused women have the right to anger, they have the right to expect to be safe, to have their children be safe.

It's always a dude who claims that the woman is abusive, that perhaps the cops got the wrong person. I feel sorry for the women and children who come across you.

Luckily for me, the ONE cop who ever did anything took pictures, and while I asked for a treatment program for my husband, he has not complied. He'll be gone by December. I've tried to negotiate, to help him get on his own (I have my own business), but he keeps acting like I never spoke a word.

Apparently you know NOTHING about abuse. Or you are an abuser yourself. HER HUSBAND IS FORCING HER TO STAY IN THAT MARRIAGE. Read "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft, you might see yourself in there. Psycho.

There are countless ways that an abusive man can trap a woman in her home. Among them are isolation from family (moving across the country), limited access to finances (as in, you stay home, I make all the money, and you can't have any unless I say so). Physical intimidation (I'll hurt you or worse if you leave), physical abuse. Puh-lease. Dude (because you are a dude, or wish you were one), get a grip.

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

You accuse your husband of mental abuse. What is his view of matters? Would he accuse you of mental abuse? We are only getting your side of what is going on. Your obscure reference to a "chronic illness" got alarm bells ringing. Is that a mental illness perhaps? It sounds as though one or both of you need counselling, rather than calling in the lawyers.

My god, what the f**k is wrong with you people? Stop blaming the woman! God, you all are so awful!

I too, have a chronic illness. I had a stroke five years ago, and the scar tissue on my brain causes seizures. Chronic illness happens, and even if a person is depressed, it doesn't mean that a person deserves to be abused. Ohmygosh! Ugh!

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

Abusers side with other abusers, so one can ignore anonymous postings that call women names who have been battered and abused and side with the abuser. No wonder such posters prefer to remain anonymous. Lots of mysogenists out there.

I had law enforcement side with my abuser. They refused to even look up the warrant. They accused me of being a bad mother, shamed me....come to find out that I could report them. I've finally gotten in touch with people who can help me. Where I live, there are a lot of minorities (I am one), mentally ill people, homeless. The police profile.

I am getting rid of my husband, too. No, muthaf*cka, you cannot snap my neck. Luckily for me, his dumb tail didn't comply with the terms of his probation, so all I have to do is get my finances together and wait.

Yes, if someone is telling you that men are abused, or that you are at fault, it is probably a man who is in domestic violence counseling and mad about it.

These men aren't in DV counseling because of drug use, bad childhoods, or anger at Mommy. They are there because they are selfish mofos who see women as objects to use. They will probably never EVER change.

Get out. Contact your state attorney (or commonwealth), contact the domestic violence hotlines, make a safety plan. Get a bank account, or better yet a prepaid card you can keep on you and squirrel away money. Keep all important documents in a place where you can get them on the way out. Personally, I don't agree with the "leave your kids if you have to" business, because I know here in VA, the racist cops would say that I abandoned my child. They listen to my caucasian husband brag about his government job every time (and he's always outside where they can't smell the alcohol), and then they come into my house ready to fight with me. Well, I got something for them. As soon as this dust settles. Two years of displacing and endangering me. No more.

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

Let me see if I understand you correctly. we can ignore any "anonymous" post that calls women names, even if the woman is calling a man names and accusing him of things he's not here to defend himself about, just because they're women and we should all just take their word on face value?

Do I understand that correctly? Because that appears to be what you're implying.

Now, what about the men in those posts authored by women; women who are bashing, name calling, and accusing men of horrible things? Should we believe the man is deserving of that just because it came out of a woman's mouth?

We don't know - do we - who's telling the truth on here.

So then, can it be deduced that we can ignore all posts by "friend in court" who appears to be the opposite of the misogynist? Can we label her a misandrist merely because she believes that all women who bash men and accuse men of abuse are to be taken at their word and that the men in these stories are actually the person the woman accuses them of being? Is that a fair statement?

Those men should be castrated. Most women who claim abuse are not lying. Please get in touch with your DV counselor as soon as possible, I think you need a private session.

[StevensMommy]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

You know what, I decided to register, because unlike the anonymous dick who keeps blaming the women, I have nothing to hide.

To the initial poster, I do not know what state you are in, so I cannot refer you to legal statutes in that state or even local resources that can help you. I can refer you to some literature and some national numbers that might be able to help you.

Please read:

Amazon.com: Ditch That Jerk : Dealing With Men Who Control and Hurt Women (9780897932837): Pamela Jayne, Andrew R. Klein: Books

Amazon.com: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (9780425191651): Lundy Bancroft: Books

I recommend these to books for ANY WOMAN who is being controlled and abused by a man. It will completely change the way you see them. STOP giving them chances. Mine cries and whines all the time when I make it clear (in the safest way, because you never know when he's going to flip) that I intend to be free of him.

Yes, husbands have rights...to the unregistered fool who keeps bashing women. I wish I could find you, I'd call the commonwealth attorney in your area, and give them your name, let them know you continue to antagonize women. I pray for the woman in your life. Sick.

Anyways...read those books. Go to walmart or some place, and get those book covers that are opaque and sticky, so he doesn't know what you are reading. Get some highlighters, highlight the areas that stand out. Right now, more than anything, you need empowerment. Because anger is not enough.

Let me tell you my story:

I met my abuser at work. I did not want to date him at first, I was six months behind a brain bleed (abuser man, you are not a doctor, so stfu), and had to go back to work before I was ready, because I needed the money. No work, no insurance (pre-ACA), no visits to the neurologist that I needed.

I was in a pretty vulnerable emotional state, and I think the psycho caught on to that. He is a caucasian male who likes black women (I'm all for interracial love, if you do it for the right reasons....he likes black women because he hates his mom). He chased me for five months, convinced me to move in with him, because Mommy was kicking him out. We got pregnant. My son has been my light, I would have given up long before now if not for him. As it stands, my soon to be ex does nothing but take credit for all the work I do with our special needs son. To hell with my "husband". I pray every day that he doesn't come home, will make this process that much easier for me.

Months into moving in together, he started to exhibit these really controlling behaviors. And I saw it before then (saw it better in hindsight), but in my eagerness to not be alone (my family acted like I had never had anything happen to me....mom was abusive, too), I pushed it aside. Within weeks of moving into our place, he kicked a hole in the door of the spare bedroom after I fled there from his rage. I was just a few months pregnant.

I had to go on emergency bedrest because of my medical history, so I had to stop working in order to carry the baby. The entire time, I was at risk for another stroke. He was kind to me from bedrest until the baby was two months old. Then he stopped helping, and started putting me down for not working.

In October of 2010, he got drunk and threatened to kill me. I picked up the phone and called the police, he did the same, and made sure it was him that the cops saw first. He told them I was crazy, that I beat on him. They bought his story (the cops here are such profilers, I hate them). The female cop told me that I should be ashamed as a mother for putting my son in such a situation! B!tch, please! Why not do your job and MAKE AN ARREST? She continued to scream at me, and each time I tried to protest, she shouted at me more. I am out for her blood. I will get her fired. She is a bane to the police force in this area. I will NOT stop until she and the others like her are gone. They are supposed to be trained on how to respond.

I told this heifer that he had threatened my life and I was afraid. She said, and I quote,"go in the bedroom and close the door down...what's he going to do, kick a hole in the door?". The imbecile was standing by the door that he DID kick in! I would have told her had she allowed me to speak.

I ended up crawling out the bedroom window with the baby and fleeing to safety. We have always lived in first floor apartments. Thank God, because my husband proceeded to drink 8 40oz beers, down an entire bottle of xanax, and call around threatening to kill me...oh, and calling me by his former wife's name.

I was stupid, and I went back.He claimed a spiritual change and transformation. I don't care if he's backed by Jesus this time, dude it's done.

Two days after this incident, I went to the precinct. My bruises had finally shown up (abuser dude on this thread, suck it...). There was one officer (the only one) who did help me, and I got a protective order. I stayed away from my husband for two months. When I went back, it took him just six months to start screaming and throwing things again. This time I got PUT out of my house.The racist cops just sat there and stared at me as I sat on the sidewalk with my belongings and my son, waiting for my other abuser...my mother.

Homeless shelters have waiting lists in this area.Yes, it's true. So no wonder so many willingly live on the street. You cannot wait four months for shelter, and if you go on the street, you give up your place for shelter.What then, do you do?

I chose my husband again as the lesser of two evils, but by this time he had lost our place. Funny, how I have always been so worthless and dependent on him (his words), but he lost our place when I left, and moved home with Mamma. I fled my mother's house, because in her quest to cover up her abuse of me, she tried (once, until I ripped her a new one) to paint me to be an abuser of my child. My child will go nowhere, do nothing without me. I ran from mom to escape the CPS call, and ended up getting a false one made by yet another sh*tty cop. But more on that in a minute.

My husband and I find a motel to live in. A squalid place, but his parents hate black people, so that's where we were. Husband began with the drinking and verbal abuse again. All of his misfortunes are the fault of black women, and he will say this. I tell him to leave us alone, then. He won't listen. When I'm gone, he'll find another. Maybe even impregnate her. He keeps going after this family dream he is too irresponsible to uphold.

Well, I get tired of coming "home" to this drafty room at night from the minimum wage job I took to be near my son (he attends school, but his schedule is short, and we could not afford daycare, nor were we eligible for assistance...so I had to be home to get him), only to be called a "nagging b*tch". What did I do to you? I do my best to help, I take jobs wherever I can, and when my health permits, I give you ALL of it (and it all goes to him, his needs, his wardrobes...my son gets his clothes bought by my mom, and I just do without). But you want to call me outside my name?

So I ask him to leave. He throws a tantrum, and this time the owner of the motel calls. He was trying to protect me and my son. The cops show up, and this time yet another female (I remember her name) tells me that I'm incapable of carrying on a conversation (because I would not just sit there and be yelled at by her), says she's trained by the local DV advocates, and that I need to "stop making bad decisions". I finally had my nervous breakdown.

WHY DO THESE PEOPLE KEEP BASHING ME AS A MOM? That woman has a gun, no one is going to threaten her.

So, since I had a breakdown, she cuffs me, throws me in the squad car, gives my son to my husband (my son had his own breakdown due to this), and carries me off to a mental health facility. I was released after I talked to the therapist. She ripped them a new one, and made them apologize to me.But I don't accept their half-a$$ed apology. I want blood. It gets better! This cop then goes on to say she "has to" report me to CPS, but in her report she does not mention my husband. She accused me of being mental, and exposing my child to domestic violence...in other words, I was crazy and I abused him. Luckily for me, the worker had sense. She closed my case as soon as we cornered my husband (I had moved back to the other abuser by then), and ordered him into alcohol treatment. Here men cannot start (and I say men, because it's usually men) DV treatment until they complete alcohol and drug treatment. My husband will not finish in time. Good. Go to jail.Serves you right.

I fell for the tears and fears one last time, because my non-verbal ASD child (look it up) spoke one day, as his visit with his father was ending. He said, "Daddy, no". I gave my husband one last chance for the sake of my child's happiness. I was willing to settle into a loveless marriage, if it meant that my son could be happy. Because I can never forgive this man for what he has done to me.

We prepared to move into another place. He says to me just days before we move, "I'm afraid I'm going to mess up again.". I now know that this was just him giving himself permission to show his behind. Which he has done, quite a bit in the last 4 months.

Well, he's going. In my state I can put him out. As worthless as he says I am, he can't squat and sh*t without me, he can't manage his finances, he can't keep food on the table. I'm gaining more and more independent income, and slowly transitioning everything into my name (bills). The rental office will back me, because they saw what he was from the jump. I am determined to keep my own place; finally I have a chance at independence. I won't let him ruin it. He can either go along with my transition plan and get his own place, continue his treatment and eventually become a good person, or he can go to jail. The probation terms (which I generously asked for) said he was to be done with all this therapy mess last year. He was too busy showing his tail.

Ladies, empower yourselves. The dude on here is probably an internet-savvy abuser, who is looking for justification of his abuse on the internet. He's hearing things in class that makes him uncomfortable, and possibly being called out by fellow class members. He has probably done jail time because of his abuse, and is resentful. If anything, ignore him. He is less than nothing.

[Unregistered]

My mother is in a similar relationship but she actually does get hit n he lives marks.. so I'm.pretty sure she can show the cops she's just scared to not be able to have a home of her own she has no.job no car so were is she going to go to with my 2 sis n brother... Yes it sounds easy get up n leave but I know ppl in an abusive relationship are scared n theyre mind is just in different state of mind... I believe she should file a restraining order in him file for abuse but she is scared always her word is scared... So my point is my mom is not married so what can she do?????

[Woman who cares]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

You are all in my thoughts and prayers. It's horrible to hear so many stories of women trapped.

PLEASE CONTACT A NATIONAL HOTLINE (I would refer you to a particular state but I don't know where you all are so, I found National information).

1-800-621-4673 safehorizon

copy and paste this URL for their website:

Safe Horizon :: For Domestic Violence

OR

1-800-799-7233 Nationa Domestic Violence Hotline

URL: National Domestic Violence Hotline

OR

1-888-743-5754

URL: Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men & Women

PLEASE GET HELP NOW!!! No one should have to live with abuse. Take care of yourselves and your children by taking action now.

[Unregistered]

Omg well there's some tossers posting on here that are obviously sore on the subject and probably be a man !! Lol fkn joker give yourself a pat on the back cause you obviously think the crap you have put on here is being taken with any degree of seriousness . Who gives a flying pig what you think you know !
Rigt stuff u ! On with what I would like to say :
Ive been in a few bad relationships and I'm just going to get out of my current bad relationship after coming to the conclusion that things haven't improved and they most likely aren't going to so I want him gone I have disability through bad joints and I have 5 kids who live in the house with me and the soon to be ex. He has been physically violent and put me in hospital before he is mentally abusive and verbally I am past the point of being afraid now . I snapped one day and beat him round the head with a bottle being punched at least 8 times in the face kinda sparks a reaction. Now I hate myself because I'm now the first to attack and I'm not a violent person by nature . He makes me feel ashamed of myself by provoking the violent side of myself I have very little control over some of my actions as I suffer with ADHD and impulsivity is a very big part of my life. I want him out of my house or I am going to leave which I would find extremely bad as I do not take to change easily and I also have agrophobia . But what ever happens I'm getting away from this man before he either hurts me or I do him some damage its the only answer .
Get away how ever you have to ! No matter what it takes it's worth it I hope you succeed x
Lorna