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Old 04-24-2011, 04:31 AM   #1
OptimisticN0yes
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Default All Rights taken away so easily?

Hey all!

I've been reading so much and it seems that some things are easily abused and manipulated..

Here is a brief situation and a question I have..

* Child's mother and I broke up (NOT married)
* 3 months later - we "worked on our relationship"
* During this fixing, we disagreed about how we wanted custody to be arranged if we didnt work out
* During this argument, some things were found out, and I was lead on beleiving we were fixing it, I get accused of domestic assault once I expressed interest in equal custody and her infidelity..
* I get locked up (I had a black eye, and she had a red pinky finger)
* Child and the mother are in protection order.

* Have not seen my child 4 months since this happen.. court offered supervised visitation and i said no because I was the one whom took care of child 24x7.
* Lost a good career out of the accusations
* Not on birth certificate

* Lost all rights to my child. From waking up daily with my child, to bedtime.. I did everything!
then slowly but surly, poof - gone.. no more daddy

* Lawyers around the area (contacted 6 and 4 got back to me and said there was a conflict)


Im not violent, never been locked up.. How the hell does this happen? I see it not only happen to me, but a few good guys out there ...

How come the lawyers say there is a conflict? I hate her lawyer too; and I made her lawyer look stupid in court.
Also, what is an interrogratory document? How come I have to fill it out and she does not?
This is in Virginia

Thanks everyone!
Im trying to be brief with my words due to the other party loves to look for similar things posted..
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Old 04-24-2011, 08:03 AM   #2
AFFA
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Default Re: All Rights taken away so easily?

I wish to inform you that court considers best interest of child as main consideration. In this regard you may obtain child custody by showing acts of mother where mother has not taken care of child. You will be required to show that mother cannot take care of child or best interest of child will get affected once custody is taken. Interrogatories may be given by either party to the case during discovery process. As you are not married therefore you may also be required to show paternity. As regards Conflict you may ask from lawyer as to which Conflict they are referring. As the disputes involves child custody there does not appear to be any Conflict of Interest.

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Old 04-24-2011, 10:35 AM   #3
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Default Re: All Rights taken away so easily?

I wish I could put an instruction manual out there for today's male who has a child with a woman.

FIrst of all, USE PROTECTION when having sex.

If there are no plans for marriage, there should be no children born.

If there is a pregnancy, GET A PATERNITY TEST.

Since your name is not on any legal documents concerning the child, you currently have no parental rights.

You must go to the court and petition for a paternity test. You can also petition for temporary custody of the child pending the results, but it's probable you won't get it.

Once paternity is established, fight for custody.

In family court matters, it's a useless waste of time to hire lazy, incompetent attorneys. It's easy money for them and none of them actually work to get your case won. You are better off going it alone. Family matters have become rote them. Don't waste your money on them.

You wound up in jail and she did not because she's a woman and you're a man. Another case of a female abusing the system to get her way.

You never had "rights" to the child. You were simply in a living situation where it was working until she decided the best way to squash your legal threats was to strike first.
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Old 04-24-2011, 04:30 PM   #4
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Default Re: All Rights taken away so easily?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I wish I could put an instruction manual out there for today's male who has a child with a woman.

FIrst of all, USE PROTECTION when having sex.

If there are no plans for marriage, there should be no children born.

If there is a pregnancy, GET A PATERNITY TEST.

Since your name is not on any legal documents concerning the child, you currently have no parental rights.

You must go to the court and petition for a paternity test. You can also petition for temporary custody of the child pending the results, but it's probable you won't get it.

Once paternity is established, fight for custody.

In family court matters, it's a useless waste of time to hire lazy, incompetent attorneys. It's easy money for them and none of them actually work to get your case won. You are better off going it alone. Family matters have become rote them. Don't waste your money on them.

You wound up in jail and she did not because she's a woman and you're a man. Another case of a female abusing the system to get her way.

You never had "rights" to the child. You were simply in a living situation where it was working until she decided the best way to squash your legal threats was to strike first.

Both responses were great and very helpful ! Thank you.

I have been trying to wing this on my own, and thus far, didnt get me anywhere.

You hit the nail on the head with "simply in a living situation where it was working".
We had plans to get married - but I believe on her part that it was for the sake of the child. I actually wanted to marry her despite the past problems. Mainly, we split due to financial issues.

That was her ultimate goal, to get an upperhand in the custody dispute. How does one show interest and commitment - and at the same time, doing the complete opposite behind the other person's back (filing for custody with the state - without the other person's involvement), no one knew about us fixing things during the 3 months we were fixing the relationship. (you would atleast tell friends, or family that "yea, we are fixing our relationship)..



As days went by, I saw my child less and less.. I started to question it, and everything else, and that's when she said I would be lucky to get supervised visitation, and she could make my life hell...

After our argument, I left, 15 minutes later, I get arrested... I didnt have a phone on me, and was going home to call the police because I was tired of her hitting on me (and giving me a black eye) and at the same time, I could not defend myself because in my mind, I knew law enforcement would say I hit her...

If I am anything less than a full time father, I will concentrate all my efforts into changing these backward laws and without a doubt, keep fighting for my child.

I should have used protection, and by all means, I didnt want a child at that time. As soon as she told me she was pregnant, I supported her by all means, and stuck by her through her loopy emotions, and forgave a lot of things that I was suppose to experience as a father..

Without getting specifics into the case, I am ordered to pay child support (even though before this fiasco, her and I had an agreement).. In the back of my mind, I sometimes wished I was violent enough to do the wrong things, but playing by the rules here, i keep getting screwed..

Sooner or later - the straw will break the camels back, and I prey to god that the courts do not destroy what little relationship I have left with my child. I do not know what I will do. My child is everything to me.

I never signed any documents stating I was the father (phsyco mother never allowed me, even though I begged - she tells people bad things about me, then when we got back together, she admitted the horrible things that caused defamation of my character, which was irreparable. She then saw it as a stigma because the lies just rooted in - she never told anyone else about her lies..)

Anywho, thanks for the advice, and I feel for anyone in my situation. Things have to change because the law is so easily manipulated and abused.
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Old 04-24-2011, 04:38 PM   #5
OptimisticN0yes
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Default Re: All Rights taken away so easily?

I already did temporary visitation, and because of her lies, they asked her what she wanted, and she said supervised visitation ...

The same way she said it that day when she said I hit her.

I said no because I thought (since I had no lawyer) that I was able to present my side of things during the hearing for temp. vistation, and instead, the judge set it for a later date.

I consulted with an attorney before the hearing, and they said since I already established I took care of the child, that it was too late for supervised visitation, I was the main provider prior to the events which caused my limit exposure to my child..

I am being patient as I can... I prey that I can hold out longer; I never in my life felt so strong about something, and again, this is a part of my life that I never tread on before, and I hope that fairness and best interest of the child is the main concern - because if not, I believe in time, my emotions of the justification of no-contact of my child is going to make things worst.
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Old 04-24-2011, 06:10 PM   #6
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Default Re: All Rights taken away so easily?

If your name does not appear on the child's birth certificate, why are you ordered to pay child support? Has it been legally established that you are - indeed - the father?
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Old 04-25-2011, 03:13 AM   #7
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Default Re: All Rights taken away so easily?

I have no idea, basically during the hearing, the judge factored in what I made and cost of living, her salary, etc.. and determined that I pay support.
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Old 04-25-2011, 10:26 AM   #8
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Default Re: All Rights taken away so easily?

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I have no idea, basically during the hearing, the judge factored in what I made and cost of living, her salary, etc.. and determined that I pay support.
But what proof did the judge have that gave him such unilateral decision the child was yours to pay for?
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Old 04-25-2011, 11:23 AM   #9
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Default Re: All Rights taken away so easily?

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But what proof did the judge have that gave him such unilateral decision the child was yours to pay for?
Unfortunately, he doesn't necessarily need to be the biological father to be ordered to pay support. Because he stepped up and acted like a man, and took care of the child, he's basically getting the shaft. Support, but no other rights. The courts take this as "best for the child." It may not be considered right, but courts are doing it to ensure "the child maintains the same standard of living."
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Old 04-25-2011, 04:17 PM   #10
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Unfortunately, he doesn't necessarily need to be the biological father to be ordered to pay support. Because he stepped up and acted like a man, and took care of the child, he's basically getting the shaft. Support, but no other rights. The courts take this as "best for the child." It may not be considered right, but courts are doing it to ensure "the child maintains the same standard of living."
Using the above kind of logic, one has to question why there are family court laws to begin with if every Tom, Dick and Harry who paid any amount towards a woman's child could be hit with child support.

In order to be ordered to pay child support, the paternity must be legally established. Since the OP has not been proven to be the biological father, and no documented evidence exists that support the presumption he's the child's LEGAL father, there should be no order to pay child support.

The only time a father is ordered to pay child support and he's not the biological father is when he's established (or someone has) his LEGAL paternity. Be it an Acknowledgment of Paternity, a birth certificate listing him as the father, etc.

NONE of these things exist with the OP. So again, it's unclear why a judge ordered him to pay child support. Frankly, I'd fight that ruling.
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