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Old 06-20-2007, 05:11 PM   #1
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Exclamation NCP unable to properly care for kids

My ex-husband and I have joint custody. Our sons are 9 and 13. My ex was in a car accident last year and was badly hurt. Since then he is on multiple medications and is generally "doped up". He is also an insulin dependent diabetic. In the last year, there have been multiple times when I did not feel as though he could properly care for the children. The children are also insulin dependent diabetics. My current husband and I had gone to NY for a wedding last year and the 9 year old ended up in the hospital with a low blood sugar. My ex called my cell phone and said that my child had been lying on the floor for a couple of hours unable to move! I told him to call 911 immediately! He said that he thought that my son was having a stroke so he gave him an aspirin! I insisted that he called 911 and my husband and I started home at 100 miles an hour. When I called back, he said that he was taking my son in his car to the hospital, they were in route, as he didn't want to be stuck at the hospital without a car! My son is fine now and did not have a stroke but was in the hospital all day and then I had to take him for numerous other tests to rule out a stroke.
He also took my 9 and 12 (at the time) year old to see an "R" rated movie- "300". When I voiced my concern about this, after I found out, he said that it was a "history lesson"! We got into a huge fight about this and he threatened to take me to court because I can't tell him what to do with his kids! He allows them to play "Halo" as well.
There have been days, multiple times, where he was supposed to pick them up from school and never showed. Thank God, I happened to be at the school to get them. When I asked what happened he stated "I overslept and all they needed to do was take the bus home". What if I had not been home either? There have been other instances where he did not pick them up, picked them up from school on the wrong day (we have had the same visitation schedule for 4 years now), called me to apologize at 7:30 am for "not picking up the kids today", he thought it was 7:30 pm. He also lets the 9 yo go to a pond behind his house unsupervised.
The most recent event happened this Sunday. My children were dropped off by him and he left without coming in. My 13 year old said "Dad's blood sugar was low, that's why we were late." He then went on to tell me that his father missed all of the turns to take to come here and that he was driving on the wrong side of the road at times! He then stated, "Don't worry Mom, he wouldn't let me give him orange juice but he took 13 M&M's from me that he had in the car."
I am an absolute mess! I don't want my kids to be unsupervised with their father. He has a live in girlfriend and her two teenage children who are in and out most of the day. He constantly threatens me that he is going to take me to court for sole custody. He becomes irate and irrational. My kids love their dad and have taken to trying to "protect him". I voice my concerns about his ability to care for them and they defend him. He threatens to take me to court because since our oldest son started going through puberty his blood sugars were up and down. He says that I was detrimental to my child's health, and that he will get sole custody due to that. My son sees a general practitioner and an endocrinologist as needed and scheduled. His blood sugars are much better now.
Today, I had to drop the kids off at the ex's house. He was lying on the couch, slurring his words and looked like death warmed over. I asked him if I could take them back home and he said "No." My 9 year old started saying, "I am staying". One teenage son was home and the ex's girlfriend was on the way home. I asked him if his blood sugar was low. He said "No". Knowing that his girlfriend was on the way home, I left the kids there. I cried all of the way home and tried the girlfriend's cell phone. I got no answer and left a message for her to call me back. I have not heard from her. If I call the house, the ex will start "World War III" and the kids will also get involved. I don't know what to do! I don't want to stop the kids from seeing their father, I don't want to get into a battle but I want my kids to be safe! Generally, my current husband can talk to the ex and reason with him. Lately, that is not happening either. Please help!
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Old 06-22-2007, 05:16 PM   #2
judg4
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Default Re: NCP unable to properly care for kids

he is not going to get sole custody...don't worry about that

if need be you could go back to court and try to get more specific orders as to how the visits should be arranged annd handled

others here may have some other thoughts
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Old 06-23-2007, 12:40 PM   #3
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Default Re: NCP unable to properly care for kids

He definately wont get sole custody based off what you have said. Some of your concerns are valid, but I can already tell you what a judge will tell you: When the children are in his home, they will follow his rules not yours. When they are in your home they will follow your rules not his. This would apply to the content they hear/see on the radio, tv, movies.... everything. Now if he was letting them watch porn it would be a completely different story.

When it comes to his medical condition, you have a very good argument. I work for protective services and see cases like that on a daily basis. If, at times he is unable to properly care for the children, we would step in and do an investigation to see if the accusation was true. Maybe that's a route you want to consider.

As for your kids, try to keep them out of it. Don't let them get involved with disputes with their father, it will only make things worse. If they happen to bring things up to you, just explain you are worried about their safety and have to do whats best for them.
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Old 06-24-2007, 06:21 PM   #4
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Default Re: NCP unable to properly care for kids

good advice!
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Old 06-25-2007, 10:39 AM   #5
missingmyhubby
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Default Re: NCP unable to properly care for kids

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
My ex-husband and I have joint custody. Our sons are 9 and 13. My ex was in a car accident last year and was badly hurt. Since then he is on multiple medications and is generally "doped up". He is also an insulin dependent diabetic. In the last year, there have been multiple times when I did not feel as though he could properly care for the children. The children are also insulin dependent diabetics. My current husband and I had gone to NY for a wedding last year and the 9 year old ended up in the hospital with a low blood sugar. My ex called my cell phone and said that my child had been lying on the floor for a couple of hours unable to move! I told him to call 911 immediately! He said that he thought that my son was having a stroke so he gave him an aspirin! I insisted that he called 911 and my husband and I started home at 100 miles an hour. When I called back, he said that he was taking my son in his car to the hospital, they were in route, as he didn't want to be stuck at the hospital without a car! My son is fine now and did not have a stroke but was in the hospital all day and then I had to take him for numerous other tests to rule out a stroke.
He also took my 9 and 12 (at the time) year old to see an "R" rated movie- "300". When I voiced my concern about this, after I found out, he said that it was a "history lesson"! We got into a huge fight about this and he threatened to take me to court because I can't tell him what to do with his kids! He allows them to play "Halo" as well.
There have been days, multiple times, where he was supposed to pick them up from school and never showed. Thank God, I happened to be at the school to get them. When I asked what happened he stated "I overslept and all they needed to do was take the bus home". What if I had not been home either? There have been other instances where he did not pick them up, picked them up from school on the wrong day (we have had the same visitation schedule for 4 years now), called me to apologize at 7:30 am for "not picking up the kids today", he thought it was 7:30 pm. He also lets the 9 yo go to a pond behind his house unsupervised.
The most recent event happened this Sunday. My children were dropped off by him and he left without coming in. My 13 year old said "Dad's blood sugar was low, that's why we were late." He then went on to tell me that his father missed all of the turns to take to come here and that he was driving on the wrong side of the road at times! He then stated, "Don't worry Mom, he wouldn't let me give him orange juice but he took 13 M&M's from me that he had in the car."
I am an absolute mess! I don't want my kids to be unsupervised with their father. He has a live in girlfriend and her two teenage children who are in and out most of the day. He constantly threatens me that he is going to take me to court for sole custody. He becomes irate and irrational. My kids love their dad and have taken to trying to "protect him". I voice my concerns about his ability to care for them and they defend him. He threatens to take me to court because since our oldest son started going through puberty his blood sugars were up and down. He says that I was detrimental to my child's health, and that he will get sole custody due to that. My son sees a general practitioner and an endocrinologist as needed and scheduled. His blood sugars are much better now.
Today, I had to drop the kids off at the ex's house. He was lying on the couch, slurring his words and looked like death warmed over. I asked him if I could take them back home and he said "No." My 9 year old started saying, "I am staying". One teenage son was home and the ex's girlfriend was on the way home. I asked him if his blood sugar was low. He said "No". Knowing that his girlfriend was on the way home, I left the kids there. I cried all of the way home and tried the girlfriend's cell phone. I got no answer and left a message for her to call me back. I have not heard from her. If I call the house, the ex will start "World War III" and the kids will also get involved. I don't know what to do! I don't want to stop the kids from seeing their father, I don't want to get into a battle but I want my kids to be safe! Generally, my current husband can talk to the ex and reason with him. Lately, that is not happening either. Please help!
why is your husband getting involved? he shouldnt be talking to dad at all, he is a legal stranger here, and no say in this situation. he should stay out of it
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