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Old 01-04-2012, 05:00 PM   #1
TeenParent
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Default minor child refuses to give me the password for an online account

I have a minor child who refuses to give me the password for an online account (I insist on being able to monitor my children's internet use). My minor child has used this account to make plans with friends and sneak out in the recent past. I attempted to go directly to the online social site to get her user information in order to gain access; however, they reported to me that they cannot divulge the information since she is at least 13 years of age. If I have a responsibility to keep my children safe until they are 18, how can this be so? How can they keep information from me as the parent of a minor?
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Old 01-04-2012, 06:03 PM   #2
goddessoflubboc
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Default re: minor child refuses to give me the password for an online account

Why do you not simply refuse her access to the Internet? You are the parent, take away the computer, iPad, iPod, phone, whatever she's using until she complies with your rules.
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Old 01-04-2012, 11:28 PM   #3
Lexus
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Default Re: minor child refuses to give me the password for an online account

Web sites have no obligation towards users parents. They are only concerned about the users. You have the option to lock access to the sites which you don’t want in your computer.
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Old 01-05-2012, 01:29 AM   #4
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Default Re: minor child refuses to give me the password for an online account

goddessoflubboc and Lexus,

Thank you for your response and yes, I can block access and keep her from the computer - and I have done that; however, she can still manage to get online at school and/or with friends - including friends that have phones that can access the internet. Unfortunately, the ONLY way I can envision completely keeping her from access is to keep her locked up in her room and not let her go to school, nor let her see any friends, or even go anywhere at all. It seems that children services might have a problem if I were to do that.

This child that I am specifically talking about does happen to be 17, and I have had many struggles with her. She is determined that she needs to move out now, and has stated she will leave the house everyday whether I let her or not (I have told her she would be reported as a runaway if she does so - and have already had to do that). She has even been arrested for shoplifting, which took place when she was supposed to be at youth group with a friend (it cost me $300 in fines and fees because she is a minor). She has snuck out, run away, etc. etc. etc...there is so much more, but I won't get into it here. She has had privileges taken away, and has been grounded and given extra chores.

My main concern at this point is that I have other children (as young as 13) that are watching her act out in such ways and are learning from her behavior. I do not let my children have cell phones, I do not let them have the run of the house, and I do not let them just run around town and go wherever they want. Unfortunately, many other parents do. I know teens will lie and manipulate to get their way, and they will be sneaky in order to do what they want to do. This is why I like to keep tabs as much as possible.

I do not think it is right that my children can start internet accounts at the age of 13 without parental controls when I am legally responsible for their actions and must do what I can to keep them safe until they reach the age of 18. Perhaps if children have these rights at 13, then they are old enough to be considered legal adults and parents should no longer be held accountable for them after they reach that age? How does it make sense that I cannot have a say so in certain matters (including some medical issues) after they turn 13? I would like to know if there is anything that can be done. Where do I start? If this is actually a law, perhaps something should be changed. How would I go about doing that? Could hiring an attorney help me with getting results with these online sites and force these sites to release the necessary information?.....

How can we effectively be a parent when all of our parenting rights are being taken away?
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:56 AM   #5
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Default Re: minor child refuses to give me the password for an online account

I don't understand why you insist on pawning off your parental obligations on lawmakers and for profit corporations?

I have 4 children, 30, 29, 17, and 12. I have rules and they follow them or there are consequences. Ms 30 was a bit of a case at 17. She snuck out one night. That never happened again, and I coincidentally had the cleanest baseboards in town. Child protective services does not get involved when you are effectively parenting your child. Ms 30 was on "lockdown" a couple times. In the house directly after school, no phone, no tv, homework, chores and bed.

If you don't take the upper hand from the get go it's over. Your 13 year old is watching and learning. You are going to have your hands full at this rate.
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Old 01-05-2012, 01:16 PM   #6
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Default Re: minor child refuses to give me the password for an online account

goddessoflubboc,

Thank you, and yes, we have already done all of the above. The closer our 17 year old gets to 18, the worse she gets and she continues to refuse compliance with anything. Please do not feel that we have not done our part - we have, and we are known as strict parents. All I would like to know is what the legalities are - not opinions of how to raise our children. I believe that as long as a child is a minor, then parents should have the right to intervene.
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Old 01-08-2012, 07:05 AM   #7
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Default Re: minor child refuses to give me the password for an online account

With your daughter being 17, there is little you can do to control her access to the internet for, as you note, she can get online anyplace other than home. And the internet service providers and site managers are not legally bound to turn over internet records on minors over the age of 13. That's the status of the law. If her online account has email attached, no wonder she does not want to give you access -- any more than one would want to give access to all their personal correspondence -- or diary. Do you feel you have a right to read all her mail?

As you said, the closer she gets to 18, the more she resists your control, self described as "strict" parents. Whatever methods you are using are causing her to rebel, more and more. Counseling is really needed to repair the bonds with your daughter, soon to be an adult. Or else you risk losing not just control, but her affection as well. I know this is not what you want to hear, but your daughter is not just at risk by her actions, but your relationship is at risk as well. Which is more important? Control of your daughter? Or her willingly 'doing the right thing.' In a few short months, she will be able to do what she wants as an adult.
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Old 06-18-2013, 03:02 AM   #8
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Default Re: minor child refuses to give me the password for an online account

I faced the same problem before, I had no choice but installed Keystroke Spy Monitor in my 13 years old boy's computer.
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Old 06-18-2013, 09:23 AM   #9
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Default Re: minor child refuses to give me the password for an online account

Quote:
Originally Posted by kenoduff22 View Post
I faced the same problem before, I had no choice but installed Keystroke Spy Monitor in my 13 years old boy's computer.
An excellent idea. As well as Net Nanny and similar programs that can block access to objectionable sites.

Also, one can with firewall software block access to specific net addresses.

Nothing can stop someone from getting online through school, library and friend's computers.

But one can sure slow them down and/or block them at home.
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Old 02-07-2015, 10:54 PM   #10
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Default Re: minor child refuses to give me the password for an online account

Quote:
Originally Posted by goddessoflubboc View Post
I don't understand why you insist on pawning off your parental obligations on lawmakers and for profit corporations?

I have 4 children, 30, 29, 17, and 12. I have rules and they follow them or there are consequences. Ms 30 was a bit of a case at 17. She snuck out one night. That never happened again, and I coincidentally had the cleanest baseboards in town. Child protective services does not get involved when you are effectively parenting your child. Ms 30 was on "lockdown" a couple times. In the house directly after school, no phone, no tv, homework, chores and bed.

If you don't take the upper hand from the get go it's over. Your 13 year old is watching and learning. You are going to have your hands full at this rate.

You made some very very valid points and appear very wise... however you neglect to note that Ms 30 did not take part in the whirlwind of social media that minors are subjected to today. 13 years ago we were still using rolodex and pinning notes on actual corkboards... I would love to hear about how your 12 year old is fairing. You also neglected to mention your 17 year old's adjustments. Do tell.
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