How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

Same situation. Waited 12yrs to go back to school and I'm almost done. Three kids and no income other than his. Verbal turned to physical recently and I didn't think he was going to stop. Some people have no idea how hard it is to leave sometimes and no one deserves it. I can't work and do school full time and keep the work hours he would want (day). Before things got worse I made a choice to better myself so that I could support myself and children without him one day. If you call the cops and make him leave, who's going to pay the bills and put food in the kids mouths until court or available resources. Here is what you do…
Document EVERYTHING! times, dates, what was said, pictures..and hide it where he won't find it
Start saving every bit of money you can even if it's pennies
Have a plan if he hits you (bag with clothes for yourself and children, ex medicines extra keys)
You are going to have to keep these things where he won't find it and this is very important
Call a lawyer and find out what the law is in your state

The hardest part is enduring the crap, but keep quiet because in time you will have all of the resources you need to leave him. If you are afraid for your or your children's lives, call a domestic abuse hotline and make the sacrifice to go to a shelter. They will help you with work and finding a home until you get on your feet.

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

Hi there,
I would like to respond to this. I understand what you are going through. I agree with you that is is ALOT to up and move the kids and to call a help line and go to a "safe house" would be pretty traumatizing to them. I understand that it is a way out but also, I think that if it can be handled a different way then try that. To call a help line there would have to be abuse...it would have to be an "unsafe" situation for you and the kids to live in I would think. If it is money you are worried about and you have a chronic illness, I was wondering if you would qualify for disability payments? If you contact them and ask what they can do for you in this case maybe they will give you a "start up" payment...enough for first and last to an apartment and a bit more for the nessescities you need?? Just dont tell the Hubby in the meantime...wait until he is a work and have your stuff moved and take whatever you need. If he tries to say you took everything, he needs receipts and that but if it goes to court they will overlook that because you will have the kids. I hate to say it but you might have to leave, go to court and state that you want the house...in order to move back there (if you really want the house)
Also, I would like to say something to the people who gave negative responses. This is a situation that doesnt really need any of your input. Are you qualified in divorce?? probably not. It's sad that you waste your time on one of these sites acting like you know everything and putting people down. This was meant to be a question and the woman was looking for HELPFUL advice....not a obsessive control freak Unregistered know it all... sorry, but after reading this entire thread...the people who are negative actually seem pathetic Have a good day everyone... P.S. I will not be coming back to this page because I have a life so any negative responses to this post can be appreciated but those you "hang with"

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

Hi there,
I would like to respond to this. I understand what you are going through. I agree with you that is is ALOT to up and move the kids and to call a help line and go to a "safe house" would be pretty traumatizing to them. I understand that it is a way out but also, I think that if it can be handled a different way then try that. To call a help line there would have to be abuse...it would have to be an "unsafe" situation for you and the kids to live in I would think. If it is money you are worried about and you have a chronic illness, I was wondering if you would qualify for disability payments? If you contact them and ask what they can do for you in this case maybe they will give you a "start up" payment...enough for first and last to an apartment and a bit more for the nessescities you need?? Just dont tell the Hubby in the meantime...wait until he is a work and have your stuff moved and take whatever you need. If he tries to say you took everything, he needs receipts and that but if it goes to court they will overlook that because you will have the kids. I hate to say it but you might have to leave, go to court and state that you want the house...in order to move back there (if you really want the house)
Also, I would like to say something to the people who gave negative responses. This is a situation that doesnt really need any of your input. Are you qualified in divorce?? probably not. It's sad that you waste your time on one of these sites acting like you know everything and putting people down. This was meant to be a question and the woman was looking for HELPFUL advice....not a obsessive control freak Unregistered know it all... sorry, but after reading this entire thread...the people who are negative actually seem pathetic Have a good day everyone... P.S. I will not be coming back to this page because I have a life so any negative responses to this post can be appreciated but those you "hang with"

And you have a good day too. And thank you for not coming back. :-)

[Friend In Court]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

Abusers side with other abusers, so one can ignore anonymous postings that call women names who have been battered and abused and side with the abuser. No wonder such posters prefer to remain anonymous. Lots of mysogenists out there.

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

People should really learn to actually read and comprehend what they're reading before jumping to conclusions about what others are saying.

Why revive an old thread just to add two cents worth of comments about one's own feelings? How does that help anyone?

This thread has gone completely off topic thanks to multiple people posting their own stories. Unfortunately the OP's post is long forgotten.

While it may be true that "there are lots of misogynists (not "mysogenists") out there", it bears reminding that there are also lots of misandrists as well.

One can ignore posts that only call women names, but what of posts that call men names? Are they to be ignored as well, or do they have merit because you yourself appear to be one of those misandrists?

Aren't you anonymous as well? We don't know who you really are do we? We only know a silly user name. That hardly gives us any insight into who you are or what you're all about.

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

Abusers side with other abusers, so one can ignore anonymous postings that call women names who have been battered and abused and side with the abuser. No wonder such posters prefer to remain anonymous. Lots of mysogenists out there.

Let me see if I understand you correctly. we can ignore any "anonymous" post that calls women names, even if the woman is calling a man names and accusing him of things he's not here to defend himself about, just because they're women and we should all just take their word on face value?

Do I understand that correctly? Because that appears to be what you're implying.

Now, what about the men in those posts authored by women; women who are bashing, name calling, and accusing men of horrible things? Should we believe the man is deserving of that just because it came out of a woman's mouth?

We don't know - do we - who's telling the truth on here.

So then, can it be deduced that we can ignore all posts by "friend in court" who appears to be the opposite of the misogynist? Can we label her a misandrist merely because she believes that all women who bash men and accuse men of abuse are to be taken at their word and that the men in these stories are actually the person the woman accuses them of being? Is that a fair statement?

[Unregistered]

WOW! Aren't you a misguided b!tch! He CAN be made to leave. I am in the same situation that she is. And the cops were just at my door and they just hauled his sorry ass away. I was told I can get an EPO in the morning, and he can be made to leave the home! When you are married, what is his is yours and vice versa. WIVES HAVE RIGHTS and no one has to be terrorized in their own home in front of their kids. And my BROKE situation IS his fault for reasons I won't go into, just to say that I was FINE b4 I trusted his sorry a$$ again. But you can bet your bottom, I will be gone come January when my tax return hits my debit card. And his sorry, abusing drunk a$$ can go to he!!

You go girls! I am in same boat minus physical abuse. He's abused me emotionally to the point of mental breakdown. 13 years of this garbage. When you have a child, it's not so easy to just pick up and leave. Especially when I'm the one that made owning a home possible. It's like living in a booby trap in which any move will set it off. Makes one crazy. Anyone who says we're just "*****ing" has no clue and should walk a mile in our shoes. I don't have any family here either. I just want him out, but any push just makes it worse and he digs in deeper. If I had a crystal ball, I would never have married him. But I did. And so here I am. Pray his stupid a$$ gets a real job soon so he'll get the F out.

[Mommyof3in308]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

look im in the same situation with a boyfriend. But in my case I sold my home and moved us MY 2 kids and disabled brother and sister thousands of miles away. I spent all the money on things to make my boyfriend happy and am broke now... both our names are on the lease for our home and even though the cops have came and seen me covered in bruises they never arrest him. I have no family in this world. I was raised by my adoptive parents who are now deceased. I have no job just my brother and sisters income for their disabilities. I cant go anywhere even if I wanted to. My BF wont get the hell out of my home or my life. He dont pay anything, i have a reciept for everything i own.... tell me what someone in these situations are supposed to do. Its not that we choose to stay in them, or we wouldnt be on here asking for help and advice! as i write this my BF is drilling me about what im doing... I have to go between this and the walmart page saying im looking for curtains... someone who talks **** should try living like this and see how hard it really is. Stay strong ladies, God will help us make the decisions to get out of this safely!

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

WOW! Aren't you a misguided b!tch! He CAN be made to leave. I am in the same situation that she is. And the cops were just at my door and they just hauled his sorry ass away. I was told I can get an EPO in the morning, and he can be made to leave the home! When you are married, what is his is yours and vice versa. WIVES HAVE RIGHTS and no one has to be terrorized in their own home in front of their kids. And my BROKE situation IS his fault for reasons I won't go into, just to say that I was FINE b4 I trusted his sorry a$$ again. But you can bet your bottom, I will be gone come January when my tax return hits my debit card. And his sorry, abusing drunk a$$ can go to he!!

You might first try reading the threads thoroughly before embarking on a ***** session of your own.

It's not his fault you trusted him enough to allow him to make your financial decisions for you. That onus is on you. You're responsible for your own actions and decisions, aren't you? If you're not, perhaps you need a legal guardian to assist you through life.

Wives may have rights but so do husbands. Every time you cut, remember it slices two ways.

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

You go girl! You are correct. I have been married for 28 years to an alcoholic. Drinking got worse the last 8 years. Only 1 child at home now and she is off to univesity in the fall. My husband recently purchased 2 - 2010 trucks, yes, approved for both, I do not know how, neither does the bank. I did everything I could to stop this and could not stop the sales, but does effect my credit as well, due to the fact it falls back to the house. I have worked 2 jobs for many years, 1 full time and 1 part time. The past 2 years I took a few courses and landed a good job, working 1 job now. I pay the mortgage, all bills, take care of a rental property that only breaks even, anything else is extra. He pays for his vehicle, a buddy pays for the other and he pays for his credit cards he has incurred. He seams to always have money, I believe it may be cash advances. We were separated a few times and got back together, yes comfort zone, a nice home that I have worked my ass for and maintain 3/4 acre property. He has great intentions and follows through on very little. I would like to sell and move on, but he will no agreet, how do I get him to leave, I have thought about just leaving, he will wreck the place and then I will get nothing. I cannot pay for this place and rent somewhere else too. I have thought about setting all the bills up on his bank account, they will not get paid and I lose.
He spends little time with me, wanted to go to 2 hockey games today, but went to legion and asked me to pick him up, I refused, so he left and will be home plastered. Good intentions. He has been charged with impaired and has the interlock in his vehicle, paying high premiums and had our daughter blow into the machine the other day so he could go to work. She said to me that she tought he had a few beers, not sure, as he told her he sometimes has trouble blowing into the machine as he is a heavy smoker as well. How terrible to put your daughter in this situation. He did have a few beers.
Yes, friendsand family get tired of listening, I am going to going to AA and get some support. I do know what I have to do.

[nancyparker]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

You must be a man.....That is insane, just because she has not actally charges him does not mean it is not happening. You are making it sound as though it is her fault. I am in the same situation, and cannot get out. I have called the cops many times, but if I send him he hits his head on stuff, and then says I will go too, and the kids will be taken away......
I have not wanted to be in my relationship for about 5 years. As soon as I mention it, he says he will kill me and himself.....
SO HOW BOUT GIVE THIS WOMAN SOME CREDIT AS YOU DO NOT KNOW AS MUCH AS YOU THINK YOU DO!

[nancyparker]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

NO WONDER WHY THIS PERSON IS ALWAYS UNREGISTERED!!!!! CUZ HE DOESN'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW HE IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE MANY ABUSERS OUT THERE. EVERYTHING LOOKS SO CLEAR TO OUTSIDERS, BUT IN THE MEANTIME, THE ABUSER DEVELOPS A STYLE TO KEEP YOU FEELING LIKE YOU WILL NEVER MAKE IT, NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU. IT INFURIATES ME TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE SUCH INSENSITIVE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD. IT IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO LEAVE, BUT I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO PACK A BAG WITH NECESSITIES, AND THEN WHEN HE LEAVES THE HOUSE, TAKE OFF WITH MY 4 GIRLS TO A SHELTER. CANNOT GO TO MY MOM'S HE MIGHT KILL HER TOO!!!!!!

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

You must be a man.....That is insane, just because she has not actally charges him does not mean it is not happening. You are making it sound as though it is her fault. I am in the same situation, and cannot get out. I have called the cops many times, but if I send him he hits his head on stuff, and then says I will go too, and the kids will be taken away......
I have not wanted to be in my relationship for about 5 years. As soon as I mention it, he says he will kill me and himself.....
SO HOW BOUT GIVE THIS WOMAN SOME CREDIT AS YOU DO NOT KNOW AS MUCH AS YOU THINK YOU DO!

Who exactly is your rambling diatribe directed at?

The cops get tired of going to houses of people who constantly call them but won't help themselves by getting away from lunatics like your husband.

Who cares if he hits his head on stuff. Maybe he'll suffer brain damage or worse. Problem solved. One more pathetic, useless piece of scum on the earth. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Press charges against him. I guarantee once you start creating a paper trail of his abuses he will not take the kids away.

You need a protection order against him. Five years is an awfully long time to stay with someone who makes your life miserable. We're only going this way once. Why waste it on parasitic scum like your husband?

[Unregistered]

Re: How can I get my husband out of the house if he refuses to leave?

NO WONDER WHY THIS PERSON IS ALWAYS UNREGISTERED!!!!! CUZ HE DOESN'T WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW HE IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE MANY ABUSERS OUT THERE. EVERYTHING LOOKS SO CLEAR TO OUTSIDERS, BUT IN THE MEANTIME, THE ABUSER DEVELOPS A STYLE TO KEEP YOU FEELING LIKE YOU WILL NEVER MAKE IT, NO ONE WILL BELIEVE YOU. IT INFURIATES ME TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE SUCH INSENSITIVE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD. IT IS LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO LEAVE, BUT I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO PACK A BAG WITH NECESSITIES, AND THEN WHEN HE LEAVES THE HOUSE, TAKE OFF WITH MY 4 GIRLS TO A SHELTER. CANNOT GO TO MY MOM'S HE MIGHT KILL HER TOO!!!!!!

Your "cutesy" little screen name is "nancyparker" but I'm still no closer to know whether you're a man or a woman; a pedophile or a rapist, a thief or a drug user or an abuser yourself... Get the picture?

It is not "literally impossible to leave". That is your own point of view.

You don't need to know the life story of people, but you'd be surprised at who's witnessed and been subject to what around here but still finds the victim who refuses to press charges against their abusers just as much at fault for the continued problem of domestic violence. She enables him to never have to face consequences when she protects him.

By the way, it's not love to allow yourself to be abused. That's zero self worth.

[Unregistered]

If this is your quote below. your an uncaring jerk. Get off this site! You know nothing of what you speak of.


My abuser is financially supported by me, i cant get rid of him, he won't leave, he yells in my face, breaks everything i own in fits if rage, tells me what to do, how to act and how i should talk He constantly threatens me, my pets, my family and my house. Hes depressed and suicidal. But has no or very little income, has no family and no friends as he has a terminal disease that in part caused him to be a hermit/recluse. We've been together for 25 years. The last ten have been the worst in my life. Now I consider suicide just to somehow get away.

Every situation is different...Here's what I experienced...

1) restraining orders don't stop someone who really wants to hurt you, especially if they are suicidal and intend to end themselves afterwards or if you give em an excuse to be that mad!

2) if police are called then he is only taken away for 48-72 hours. Do you think he'll be mad as hell then? How will he retaliate? It would help if you got a few days of police protection after they let him lose! Plus, I'm not sure screaming in your face will be constituted as enough
evidence to hall him away in the first place. My abuser is also smart, he hits me on the back if the head or just holds me down to pull hair or spit or scream in my face. Never a mark!

3) oh, and some job applications ask if you've every been in a domestic dispute? Even if ur the victim, it could look bad to an employer! They don't want to deal with a new employees drama

4) if the abuser is suicidal... Before you can have them taken away you need a weapon, time, place and method. Basically, the abuser needs to announce when it will be and how or they need to be caught in the act. Once Halle's away they are observed for a couple days. My abuser is smart as a whip. You'd never know he's crazy, without me telling you.

5) If pets are your family (no kids for me) then it's very hard to find a shelter where they will take rm. god forbid you have more than one pet to worry about! No one cares about pets being threatened.

I'm not an optimist, but I yell it like it is.

Unless your in someone's exact shoes, you should judge.

It's unclear why people are still giving this woman advice. She doesn't want answers. She just wants to b i t c h.

Clearly, she does have choices. She doesn't want to hear or accept what they are.

Like it or not, he cannot be forced to leave his home. If she wants out, she has to leave. Period.

And abuse can be proven. Further, the police do not even look for abuse when they're called to the scene of a domestic disturbance (why haven't they been called yet?). They arrest the man if even a hint of abuse has taken place. They don't need obvious signs.

If two people are in a marriage, whichever person puts all of the financial responsibility on the other person is the reason why they're broke. She's not broke due to his choices in life. She's broke due to her own poor choices.

We all have to live with the consequences of the choices we make in life. Instead of *****ing about them, do something to change them.